Skipping Stones
by twilightsagalover28
Summary: This is a instruction manual that Emmett writes for Nessie explaining how to skip school.
1. Introduction

A/N- **SKIPPING** Stones…the title is kinda like how to skip school…ya…

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Skipping Stones

Chapter 1- Introduction

Emmett

Nessie,

It is almost time for you to start high school with us, so I am writing you an instruction manual on how to skip school and class and the best excuses to use. Skipping school isn't as easy as I make it seem. You need to pay very close attention. There are also rules…

Rule one: NEVER EVER use the same excuse twice.

Rule two: Make sure you have information to support your excuse.

Rule three: Make sure you use the right excuse for the right teacher.

Rule four: DON'T GET CAUGHT!

If you follow these rules and use the excuses and information correctly, you won't get caught and you won't have to sit in on boring lectures about stuff you already know.

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A/N- **I** **KNOW IT IS SHORT BUT THIS IS JUST THE INTRO!!!!!** Please review and tell me if you like this idea!!!!!!! It'll get better I promise!!! There will be flashbacks and humor and examples!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** PLEASE REVIEW, READ MY OTHER STORIES, CHECK OUT MY PROFILE FOR PICTURES (outfits, etc.), ETC.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **I'll update soon!!!

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	2. Starting off Easy

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

A/N- Flashbacks are in _italics_

Chapter 2- Starting off Easy

Emmett

The last rules were the basic rules. There are several other rules too, Nessie. I don't feel like writing them all at once so I'll explain them when they are necessary.

Starting off easy: Some easy excuses include you're sick or hurt, but of course that's no fun. But if you really need to use those here is a way we have used it in the past.

This one is one of my favorites and one of Edward's least favorites. Getting Bella hurt! Well she can't really get hurt because she is a vampire, but you know your Dad…he is PARANOID!

_The one class that we all had, gym. Alice, Edward, Rose, Jasper, Bella, and myself all had it together. I wanted to skip this class so I could get to the weekend sooner. _

"_Bella, don't you just hate gym!" I cooed to Bella in a soft voice as we ran our laps._

"_Yeah!" Bella complained and rolled her eyes in disgust._

"_Would you do anything to get out?" I asked in the same soft voice._

"_Yeah!" She replied in the same complaining voice. _

"_Ok, than pretend to trip and hurt yourself." I commanded gently in the same soft voice._

"_Fine…" Bella grumbled than tripped dramatically, tumbling forward and landing on her face. _

"_BELLA!" Edward cried and ran to her side. He lifted her head up and glared at me._

"_OW! OW! OW!" Bella whimpered_

_I had to give it to her; she had become a really good actress. _

_Bella buried her face into Edward's shirt and let out a loud sniffle. _

Now after that you have to get a really good excuse so that everyone else can leave, too. If we didn't use one only Edward and I would have been able to leave with Bella. If you say a good family matter type thing everyone can leave.

Fake vomiting is good too but I don't wanna get into that…

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A/N- Ok, I know these aren't funny yet but you have to wait for the better excuses!!! Don't worry my chapters get longer!!!! _HAPPY EARLY THANKSGIVING!!! _**REVIEW, CHECK OUT PICTURES ON PROFILE (I have none yet), ADD TO ALERTS AND FAVS, CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORIES, CHECK OUT MY COMMUNITY, READ MY FRIEND'S STORY 'ILLUMINATION'…A LINK TO HER PROFILE ON MY PROFILE, ETC.!!!!!!**

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	3. Sympathy

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 3- Sympathy

Emmett

Since you're half human and you can bleed, getting hurt is more a believable excuse for you. If you fake getting hurt it is important that you cry. You want to get as much sympathy as possible. That leads us to our next topic.

Getting sympathy: The best way of getting sympathy is making teachers feel bad for you. You can talk about your 'horrible' past, how your parents 'died', and how you had such a 'bad' life. Basically a good sob story. Those always get them to tear up and let you leave.

Here is a really good way I have used it in the past. This is my least favorite thing because it is so boring.

"_Remember to write your date on your paper!" The teacher, Mrs. Kile reminded us._

_Mrs. Kile was a very strict teacher who wouldn't accept any work without your name, date, and period on it. _

_She was walking through the rows and she stopped at my desk._

"_Mr. Cullen, there is no date on your paper." Mrs. Kile accused_

"_I-I k-kn-o-w-w" I stuttered with a cry._

"_Then write it!" Mrs. Kile commanded in a low voice, getting frustrated._

"_I-I d-d-d-on'-t-t w-w-w-an-t-t-t t to-o" I stammered with inclination in my voice._

"_And why is that?" Mrs. Kile sighed giving up._

"_B-b-be-e-ca-au-u-u-s-s-e-e m-m-my p-p-pa-r-r-e-n-n-n-ts-s-s d-d-di-ed-d t-t-t-to-d-d-a-y-y" _

"_Oh, really?" Mrs. Kile replied sarcastically, not believing._

"_I-t-t-t w-w-a-s-----"_

"_Stop stuttering!" Mrs. Kile cut me off. _

"_It was eight years ago on this exact day. We were on a family hiking trip and picnic. We were hiking and having a really good time. My mom had pulled out some granola bars for us to snack on when a giant brown grizzly bear appeared through the trees. It was about eight feet long and five hundred pounds, the biggest they get. We retreated backwards very slowly, taking tiny steps. Then I heard a small roar come from behind us. It turned out we were backing into her cubs. The grizzly freaked out and attacked us. I was on the floor covered in blood. I saw my mom being ripped by the bear and I saw my dad try to stop her. The grizzly turned around and attacked my dad again. My parents died but I survived. I was in the hospital with Dr. Cullen as my doctor, when he discovered that my parents were dead and he took me in." I lied and than covered my face with my hands. _

"_Oh, oh, my!" Mrs. Kile exclaimed in __sympathy__ and tears came to her eyes._

_I dropped my head on to the desk and let out a muffled cry. _

"_Maybe you should go home for the day." Mrs. Kile whispered softly. _

_I nodded my head and left._

I know you're probably applauding, Nessie. So please stop, I know I'm amazing. Anyway back to the point.

I used facts- i.e. the bear info.

I put some truth in it- i.e. being attacked by the bear and Carlisle 'adopting' me.

I used details- I could have just said 'My parents got mauled by a bear.' Would that have gotten her sympathy? (You should be shaking you head no.)

I showed emotion- i.e. fake crying, stuttering, inclination in voice, etc.

So here is a little recap…GET THEM TO CRY!

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A/N- The next chapter should be funny!!!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW, ADD TO FAVORITES AND ALERTS, READ MY OTHER STORIES, CHECK OUT PICS, CHECK OUT MY PROFILE AND COMMUNITY, READ MY FRIENDS STORY, ETC.!!!!!! WHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LONGEST CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!

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	4. Twin Telepathy

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 4- Twin Telepathy

Emmett

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I really don't want to tell you this excuse, but I have to. I can't even use it, only Jasper and Rose. You can't use it either but it kinda leads to our next topic. But we have to start off with this.

I'll just do the flashback because it's kinda confusing.

_Rose and Jasper jumped out of their seats at the same time during a test. _

"_Sit down! We are in the middle of a test! Do you both want zeros?" Mrs. Greystone hissed_

"_Do we?" Both Rose and Jasper questioned in a robotic voice, at the same time. They were staring into each others eyes, not blinking._

"_I asked you!" Mrs. Greystone exclaimed_

"_Who asked who?" They said simultaneously, in the same robotic voice._

"_I asked you!" Mrs. Greystone repeated_

"_Seven, four, yes, wheel, crack, melt, sketch, p-p-p-p-riest. Malfunction, malfunction, malfunction, m-m-m-m-mal-l-l-l-l-f-f-f-un-n-n-n-c-c-c-ti-on-n-n-n…" They started babbling quickly, using their robotic vice. With the last word they slowed down and dropped their heads when they finished. _

"_W-w-what-t-t was t-t-tha-t-t?" Mrs. Greystone asked, frightened._

"_They…just had a…uh…twin telepathy." I answered_

_Rose and Jasper shot their heads up and stared at each other unblinking. _

"_Twin Telepathy, Twin Telepathy, Twin Telepathy, Twin Telepathy, Twin Telepathy!" They exclaimed and marched out of the room._

"_Maybe I should check on them." I suggested and hurried after them._

Good, right? Ya, I've always wanted to try that but I don't have a 'twin'.

I tried it with Alice once…

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A/N- IT'S GETTING BETTER!!!! Review, add to favorites, add to alerts, check out my other stories, review, check out my profile, read my friends story (link on profile), review, check out my community, review, did I say review…

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	5. Insane, crazy, weird, or delusional

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 5- Insane, crazy, weird, or delusional.

Emmett

Ok so after Rosalie and Jasper had their 'Twin Telepathy' Mrs. Greystone thought they were permanently insane.

That leads us into our next topic. Make your teacher think you're insane, going crazy, weird, or delusional. _**This is the only topic where you can break one of the rules! **_Hopefully you remember the rules and you know which one you can break. I'll list the rules again so you can try to figure it out.

Rule one: NEVER EVER use the same excuse twice. (Here is the exception. If they think you're crazy, you can act up to use it again because you have the same 'problem'.

Rule two: Make sure you have information to support your excuse. (A great rule! Most teachers are moderately smart so you can't lie to them. They'll know you are making something up.)

Rule three: Make sure you use the right excuse for the right teacher. (Also a great rule! For example you can't say you are going to the Super Bowl to a sport addicted teacher when it isn't for a while. You can use that excuse for a completely out of it teacher who loves ballet.)

Rule four: DON'T GET CAUGHT! (Self explainable.)

Ok if you need a flashback for this…then Nessie you are not as smart as Edward and Bella think you are. Just kidding! Yeah, I know you get it. If you don't, just ask me in the middle of the night when your parents are _busy_.

Actually I feel like telling you some flashbacks so here we go……

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A/N-Mwahahahahahahahahaha, the flashbacks are in the next couple of chapters!!!!!!! I know this is short but these are short chapters and you know Emmett, he isn't the most…let's just say he is lazy!! :) Please review if you like this or have any ideas you want to tell me. I know there aren't any pictures yet but I haven't mentioned anything that needs a visual so ya… Add to favorites, check out my other stories, read my bff's story, add to alerts, check out my community, review, the whole shabam!!!!! **REVIEW!!!!!!**

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	6. Voices

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 6- Voices

Emmett

So this is one that your Dad used. I know you're shocked that your father would skip class! Such a bad example. Tisk, tisk, tisk.

_Edward moaned loudly in the middle of class._

"_Are you alright, Edward?" Mr. Bervin, our teacher asked._

"_No…" Edward moaned again then dropped his head on to his desk._

"_What's the matter?" Mr. Bervin wondered_

"_The voices!"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_They came back…LOUDER!" Edward screamed then ran out of the room covering his ears._

_Mr. Bervin just stared after him, frightened._

"_Edward!"__Bella__yelled and followed after him._

"_Oh…uh…Bella! He could be…uh…sick!" I exclaimed randomly and ran after them._

Nice, right?

You are learning from this, right? If you aren't I'm gonna stop writing this. Its kinda takes a lot of work.

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A/N- Emmett is going to stop writing this if you all don't review…hint, hint…nudge, nudge!!!

_**I WROTE A NEW STORY**__**MIDNIGHT**__**!!!! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW IT!!!! ALONG WITH MY OTHER STORIES!!!!**_


	7. Singing, skipping, and bunnies

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 7- Skipping, singing, and bunnies…

Emmett

Here is another example of acting crazy. This was super fun to do.

_Alice and I were going down the hall skipping and singing, with our arms interlocked. When we turned the corner a teacher was standing there._

"_Why aren't you two in class?" She asked_

_We kept singing and skipping._

"_SKIP DEE LOO! SKIP DEE LOO!" We sang _

"_Why aren't you two in class?!?!" She asked again, louder this time._

"_SKIP DEE LOO!" We yelled. _

_Then we turned to each other and started yelling things at each other._

"_Yo, SHAWTY!" I yelled with my hand on my hip._

"_Sup?" Alice said while shaking her head funny._

"_BLAH!!!!!!!" I screamed_

"_KAWKA!" Alice and I both made a bird noise._

"_Bunny…" Alice said in a hypnotic voice._

"_Bunny…" I repeated in the same voice._

_We hopped out of the school as the teacher stared after us in shock.

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A/N- Weird you may think…ooo I know! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE CRAZY!!!!! LOL!!! Read my new stories, please!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!

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	8. Imaginary Friend

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 8- Imaginary Friend

Emmett

Here is another example of acting crazy.

_I walked into class, just as the bell rang, talking to myself._

"_I know right?!" I exclaimed then waited nine seconds then started talking again._

"_Yeah! That was the funniest thing we've done since the eggs!"_

"_Um…Ok class settle down and take your seats!" Mrs. Luyt commanded after staring at me._

_I sat down still having a conversation with myself. The guy who sits next to me, Gregg, tried to sit down in his seat._

"_NO!!! STOP!!! DON'T SIT THERE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!" I shrieked and he jumped up._

"_What the hell?" He asked "You scared the shit out of me!"_

"_You sat on Kevin!!"_

"_Who?" _

"_My friend!!!!"_

"_No one is sitting there!"_

"_Yes he his! Go sit somewhere else!" I yelled and he walked to the back of the room muttering 'idiot'._

_Mrs. Luyt just stared at me but didn't say anything. _

_She started teaching a lesson that I already knew about._

"_What is the capital of Kuwait?" Mrs. Luyt asked _

"_Oh! Uh! Oo! Pick me!! Pick me!!" I called_

"_Ok, Emmett?"_

"_Kevin wants to answer the question!" I told her_

"_Ugh…are you sure…Kevin…knows the answer?" Mrs. Luyt played along. _

"_Yes!"_

_Then I leaned towards the empty desk and started whispering the question to him. I nodded my head and I kept whispering._

"_Ok! Kevin says the answer is Abdaly." I said_

"_No sorry, that's incorrect." Mrs. Luyt sighed impatiently. "Does anyone else want to answer this?" _

"_NO! Kevin does!!!"_

_I started whispering again the same way I had before._

"_Ok, his final answer is Kuwait City!"_

"_That's correct." Mrs. Kuwait said in a bored tone._

"_Geez! You are mental." Gregg muttered in the back._

"_I'M MENTAL!!!! I'M MENTAL!!!! My imaginary friend thinks YOU'RE mental!!!!" I screamed. "Come on, Kevin! Let's go!" I cried out then stormed out of the room._

Yay!!!! I miss Kevin…

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A/n- HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If **you don't have an account u can now review because I'm** **allowing anonymous reviews!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!**

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	9. Dear Diary

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 9- Dear Diary

Emmett

Nessie, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TELL EDWARD ABOUT THIS!!!! He was getting suspicious about what I was writing and what you were reading. He tried to read it but I tackled him and told him I was writing in my diary. If Edward finds out I'm teaching you how to skip school I'll be ripped to shreds.

Anyway, back to teaching my favorite niece how to be as cool as me.

Ok, so I'm moving past the acting crazy stuff. If I remember some more I'll tell you.

The stuff I'm about to tell you is really hard to do. You need me or Alice to help you with this one. This takes lots of planning and precise timing.

THIS IS REALLY DANGEROUS!!!!!!!! If your dad finds out I'm teaching you how to skip school AND play with fire/explosives, he'll rip me to pieces, put me back together, rip me apart again, and burn me.

Ugh!!! Edward is coming so I better put away my "diary."

I'll get into the fire later.

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A/n-I'll update soon!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! Just push the button and review!!!!

_**Most of you are authors, right? Well don't you feel good and appreciated when you get a review for a chapter?? I do!!! So please review when you like a chapter and let authors know they are appreciated!!!! Not just for my stories!!!!**_

_**Push the button**_

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	10. Burn, burn, BURN

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 10- Burn, burn, BURN

Emmett

Alright…all clear…Edward and Bella are both out "hunting", if you know what I mean.

Ok, you've heard of the lame old pulling the fire alarm junk, right? You have because I heard you asking Alice if it works. First off stick to the manual. Second ask me all questions and I'll cover them here. Anyway…that material is shit. Damn right it is and you know it. Have I taught you nothing? I've got some much more…interesting…stuff to use.

Now here's a fun time me and Alice have used fireworks. I sadly didn't get out of class…only Alice, but it was worth the face of our teacher, Mrs. Wendle.

_Last night Alice and I had filled the walls with fireworks. They were safety fireworks so the whole school wouldn't burn down. Those safety fireworks were mandatory because Edward didn't want to endanger anyone's life, but I hated that school and I wanted everyone to…burn, burn, BURN! _

_So now here we are in the worst class of the day, history. I took the remote that set off the fireworks from out of my backpack. Alice gave me the signal and I pressed the button, setting off a series of shots, sizzles, and cracks. _

"_AHHH! AHH! AHHHHHHHH!! We're all gonna die! AHHHH!! Help! Help! I'm too young to die! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Alice shrieked franticly and ran out of the room._

_Mrs. Wendle screamed and flew under her desk. After ten minutes Mrs. Wendle finally came out and wiped her hands on her skirt. _

"_Calm down class. It's ok, just calm down." Mrs. Wendle instructed and we all stared back at her. No one had said a word since she dove under the table. Wow…_

Fun, right? Yeah, you have to try it yourself. Remember when you do this I need to be part!

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A/N- PLEASE REVIEW!!! This chapter isn't very funny but…

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	11. Burned

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 11- Burned

Emmett

Now, if you haven't noticed everything is all in the acting. If you can't act, you your lying will suck. Ok, so this was in a chemistry or biology class. It was some sort of science class… Anyway this is a good example of Rose acting.

"_Alright class, I need an assistant for our next experiment." Our teacher, Mr. Teaflinton said._

_Rose raised her hand. Mr. Teaflinton called her up most likely because this was the only time she had ever volunteered. _

"_Ok, Rosalie, you are going to pour this in," He handed her a beaker full of blue acid. "while I poor this in at the same time." He finished as he scooped some type of powder into a smaller beaker. _

_Mr. Teaflinton handed Rose some goggles and put some on himself. _

"_And…pour!" He instructed and started pouring in the powder in a flask. _

_Rose quickly dumped it in causing Mr. Teaflinton to look up at her. "Not so fas-" He was cut off when Rosalie flipped her hair and dazzled him. When he finished pouring it he went to grab something else, without breaking his gaze from Rose. Mr. Teaflinton accidentally knocked over the mixture and spilled it all over the table._

"_Ahhh! Ehhh! Oww!" Rose shrieked as her hand shot up from the table because the 'chemicals spilled on her.' _

"_Damn it! Shit! Holy fu-" She stopped herself because there was a teacher there but she continued on with a string of curses while clutching her hand. Damn she was a good actress._

"_Let me see!" Mr. Teaflinton said frantically._

"_Haven't you done enough?" Rose hissed and walked towards me._

"_Emmett, take me to the nurse please." She told me _

_I stood up out of my desk murmured "You'll be ok, baby." Just loud enough for Mr. Teaflinton to hear me as I shot a glare at him. Rose fake dry sobbed into my shoulder as I led her out of the room. _

"_Y-yeah…go to the n-nurse." Mr. Teaflinton stammered like it was his idea. _

_When we left the room I high-fived her and we went to the parking lot and we hopped into my silver Hummer HX and went on an early hunting trip in the mountains. _

After that we didn't even have to try in Mr. Teaflinton's class because he was afraid of being fired or something like that. It was pretty funny actually. He was yelling at Rosalie for not doing her homework a couple days later and all she had to say was, "You burned my hand, remember?" and point at her wrapped hand, which was just a fake cover up. He would end up stammering and apologizing. One time he even cried when Rose refused to do work because 'the pain in her hand wouldn't go away!' Yeah! He ended up under his desk, crying and gasping "Don't tell on me! Don't tell on me! This job is barely covering my bills and I don't want to move back in with my mother!" About a week later the principal walked in when he was under the desk crying and he ended up getting fired for not paying attention to us. Hahahaha!

See we got to skip and completely fail that class without actually failing! If you pretend to burn yourself for chemicals don't actually touch them. Since Rose is a full vampire, when she touched the chemicals it actually didn't hurt her but it might hurt you so pretend when your teacher is looking away and don't actually touch something, unless you know it won't injure you. If not Edward will have my head, literally.

Oh and about him getting fired we got a new teacher and we had a brilliant plan to completely ditch that class. Hmm…remind me to tell you that story next time! It's actually quite clever.

Love you always, your Uncle Em.

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A/N- Did you like it? Not to funny but the next chap I have an idea. ^^ The one for next time. And I have to try to make it funny! **PLEASE REVIEW AND THERE ARE NEW PICTURES ON MY PROFILE! ALERTS AND FAVS APPRECIATED! **

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	12. The Doorknob

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

A/N- _**OMG! YOU GUYS ROCK! KEEP IT UP! I GOT LOTS OF REVIEWS! How about we try for more! AND YOU TOLD ME TO UPDATE SO HERE YOU ARE!**_

Chapter 12- The Doorknob

Emmett

So before how we got Mr. Teaflinton fired and then we got a new teacher, Mrs. Weider who was a clueless old…well hag. This is how we got out of the class completely… Sometimes you just need to use technology and use an evil plan to get the hell out.

_Rose and I snuck into school after hours and slipped into the principal's office. Rose turned on the computer and started typing at vampire speed. All of a sudden she started cracking up laughing and gasping for air, that she didn't need._

"_What?" I asked quietly._

"_H-h-his password-d!" Rosalie gasped through fits of laughter._

"_What is it?"_

"_Lovemuffinmylovegun773!" She said before cracking up again._

_When we were done laughing Rose went back to typing quickly on the computer._

"_You get it babe?" I whispered_

"_Yea…and done!" Rose finished with a final clack from the keyboard._

_Rose had just hacked into the computer and changed our schedule so we were completely out of Mrs. Weider's class. _

"_Print this out and put it in the room." She instructed_

_I printed out the new roster without our names in it and I sped off towards the classroom. I reached for the doorknob and tried to open it but it was locked. I wiggled the doorknob, trying to get it open. _

"_Ugh!" I grunted as I jiggled the doorknob._

"_Open up!" I grunted once again as I jerked the doorknob back and forth. _

"_Ughhh Nerr Wunnniiii!" I groaned nonsense as I fought with the doorknob. It will NOT win! _

_A couple minutes later Rose stomped by._

"_What is taking do long?" She hissed_

"_The. Door. Won't. Open." I growled as I tried to open the door again but it wouldn't budge._

"_Are you freaking kidding me? You are a vampire and you can't open a locked door!" Rosalie sighed in frustration._

_She pushed me out of the way, twisted the doorknob, and burst into the room when it unlocked._

"_How did yo-" Rose cut me off._

"_I'm not an idiot and I can open a locked door!" She snapped "Now do something useful and get rid of this." She tossed me the old attendance sheet and I ripped it to shreds. _

_After she replaced the sheet we left. _

_The next day we hid but near enough to the room that we could hear what was happening. After all the attendance was called someone spoke up._

"_Aren't Emmett and Rosalie Cullen on the attendance sheet?" He asked_

"_No…they're not." Mrs. Weider said. I could imagine her hunched over and bitterly glaring at him._

"_But they're in this class." _

"_Don't sass me boy! You young hooligans thinking you can tell me who's right! Well I am! I know those kids aren't in this class! I think I should know my own class!" _

_Yeah, she knew alright!_

So we ended up skipping that class everyday and luckily it was our last period. See this proves that that you need to use the right excuse for the right teachers. Getting a new, old, clueless teacher really works out! It also helps with subs…Hmm…I'm pretty sure we got some good stories about subs! At least a couple stories worth! And by the way the doorknob was stuck! And I did beat it! So don't make fun of me!

Nessie, this is Rose and he did NOT beat the doorknob!

Yes I did!

No he didn't!

Yes I-

No he didn't! He was there for fifteen minutes trying to open the door!

Whatever, I loosened it! And I'll tell you about subs later. I'm to lazy now! And I DID beat it.

Not!

This is my manual, Rose! And it's my story so I did loosen it; you just opened it all the way!

… (No he didn't) …

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A/N- **THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS FOR THE LAST CHAPTER! THIS CHAPTER IS…OK AGAIN BUT I HOPE YOU LIKED IT! PLEASE DO MY POLL! AND I HAVE A NEW IDEA FOR NEXT TIME THAT I WILL GET BACK TO MY USUAL CRAZY STUFF! SORRY FOR THE NOT FUNNY/BORING CHAPTERS!**

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	13. Substitute

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

A/N- Thanks to _Sandow45_for this idea! I know some facts aren't right but…

Chapter 13- Substitute

Emmett

So where were we… oh, yes! Subs. So this was before Bella came to Forks. This particular thing didn't really get me out of class but it was tons of fun and it has to do with a substitute so…

_I was in some class…I really don't know which one. All my classes just started to blend together and look the same. Especially now since there was a sub and not the normal teacher._

_The bell rang and I noticed Mike Newton wasn't there. I had an evil idea and I sat down as the substitute teacher started calling attendance. _

"_Emmett Cullen?" The substitute, Ms. U, called out. _

_I didn't answer. After a few more names she read the next name._

"_Michael Newton?"_

"_PRESENT!" I exclaimed receiving a couple strange glances from other students. _

"_Alright class, your teacher instructed me to give you these essays to do and if anyone misbehaves, doesn't do their work, or causes any trouble I am to leave your name and give you a detention." Ms. U informed us as she passed out four sheets of paper to each of us, each with two different essay prompt assignments on each. _

_I read the first prompt, "There are Hero's all over the World. Who do you think the most important hero in the real world?". _

_Perfect! I started to disturb people first before I started. _

"_PPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!" I hissed to the person next to me. He ignored me. "PPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!" I tried again. Once more, no reply. I scooted my desk over noisily and whispered right up into his ear, "PPPPSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" _

"_EW! Yo, dude! What the hell? You spit in my freaking ear!" He screamed_

"_MICHAEL NEWTON! Quiet down and get to work! Next time you disrupt the class, I'm taking your name down!" Ms. U flipped out._

_I slowly moved my desk back and put Mike Newton on a sheet of paper and started his answer on the prompt. _

_**Hero's are all over the world but the most important hero in the real world to me is Superman. Superman is so super cool, he saves lives, and he isn't Iron Man! Superman is the best hero ever! He is my personal hero because I have no friends and he is the only friend to me! Yesterday he said he hated me though and I was like no please don't hate me I love you, you're my only friend! And he was like I was never your friend so grow up! It's soo unfair because I**_

"_Alright, please hand in your completed essays on the first prompt." Ms. U said, cutting off my writing._

"_WAIT! I'M NOT DONE!" I whined_

"_Well, maybe if you had started working right away__instead of fooling around, you would be finished like everyone else." Ms. U snapped and grabbed my paper. "Start on the second prompt." _

_Ugh! I didn't want to do anymore writing but after I read the second prompt I knew I had to have 'Mike' write this one. _

_But first I had to mess with some people._

"_Hey, Bruceeey!" I sang his name._

"_It's Bruce."_

"_Yeah, who cares, anyway…YOU DROPPED YOUR POCKET." He started looking around on the ground then glared at me realizing you can't drop your pocket. Hehehe!_

_I turned to the girl sitting next to me and slowly reached at her bag, putting some of her hand sanitizer in my hand. I pretended to sneeze into my hand, I really pretended to sneeze right next to my hand into the air, and then I reached over and wiped 'my spit' on to her arm. It wass really hand sanitizer!_

"_EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" She shuddered and furiously rubbed it off. "I can still feel it! It's cold!" She shrieked and gagged. _

"_MICHAEL! Bring all of your essays over here, NOW! They better all be done because they are each worth a test grade." Ms. U commanded _

_I smirked to myself and brought her the no work that 'Mikey' had done!_

"_Michael! Did you do any work?" Ms. U asked_

"_No…" _

_Ms. U started writing something down on a piece of paper and clearly I read what she was writing. _

_˙ss__ɐ_ן_ɔ__ p__ǝ__q__ɹ__n__ʇ__sıp pu__ɐ__ '__ʞɹ__o__ʍ__ ou pıp 's__ʇ__u__ǝ__pn__ʇ__s __ɹǝɥʇ__o o__ʍʇ__ uo __ʇ__ıds :uo__ʇʍǝ__u _ן_ǝɐɥɔ__ı__ɯ_

_What the hell was she writing? OH NO! Ms. U is an ALIEN! Oh…! Wait…I was reading it upside down… It really says…Michael Newton: Spit on two other students, did no work, and disturbed class._

_Perfect! _

"_Well you have detention tomorrow. Now go to the principal's office."_

_Instead I walked to my white Land Rover LRX and headed home._

Wait before didn't I say it didn't get me out of class? Well I was wrong! Any the next day is the real fun part…

"_Well I'm pleased with all of your essays except those who deviated from the prompt or __didn't do them__." Our teacher, Mrs. Ryoleds, said the last part slowly and angrily. _

"_Mike, can I see you by my desk for a second." Mrs. Ryoleds sat down and Mike walked up to her. _

"_You didn't do any of the work!" Mrs. Ryoleds accused_

"_I know." Mike responded_

"_I'm sorry but you can't redo this and it counts for several test grades." Mrs. Ryoleds said, not sounding very sorry._

"_But-"_

"_And I'll see you at detention after school." She finished and shoed Mike away. _

"_Emmett, sweetheart." Mrs. Ryoleds called me up in a slightly flirty voice. _

"_I know you weren't here yesterday so you don't have to make up the essays since they are a bit lengthy. I'll just exclude you from it." She smiled at the end._

"_Thanks Mrs. R." I winked and walked away._

_It's kind of gross to flirt with her or at least keep her hopes up with that wink, but you gotta do what you gotta do. _

Well that really doesn't help you get out of class, Nessie…Actually it might. Just every once in a while with the people you hate, pretend to be them and get out by getting them kicked out.

Confusing I know but I'll give you better and more helpful ways to get out of class with substitutes there later.

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A/N- I know, I know! Don't yell at me! I'm starting to update! Please review and such! And pic of Emmett's car on my profile!

Luv-twilightsagalover28 (Tati)


	14. Emotional Problems

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 14 – Emotional Problems

Emmett

Substitutes are fun and all but I'll tell you more stories about them later, especially since you don't have subs everyday and sometimes not for long periods of time. Still substitutes are great since you most likely never see them again!

Anyway, as you know, Jasper controls…and feels emotions. How he got out of class was kind of an accident…but it worked! I like to call them Happy Accidents!

_Jasper and I walked in to class and right away I saw him stiffen with an onslaught of emotions. I saw our teacher looked really depressed. _

"_Here! POP QUIZ!" Ms. Lornwood announced bitterly, throwing papers on our desks. She stomped back to her desk and started sobbing it to her arms as soon as she sat down. _

_Jasper tensed up again but before I could do anything he flipped out. _

"_! Wahhhh! UGGHGHHHAHHHHPOLLIOUEHSA AHHAHA GGAHHAYYA GAHHHHH!" Jasper started wailing with large jagged breathes between everything._

"_NO ONE LOVVVEEEES ME! WAHHH! Don't cry Ms. Lornwood…because…when…you…cry…I cry…" Jasper went on. _

_I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Jasper looked and sounded ridiculous._

"_ARE YOU MOCKING ME MR. HALE?" Ms. Lornwood screeched._

"_WHY DOESN'T HE LOVE ME? Why did he leave me? I'm…just as…pretty…gasp…as the…gasp…other girls! WAHH!" I chocked when Jasper said cried that out. That must be what our teacher was feeling. _

_Before Jasper said anything else that made him sound anymore gay…, I dragged him from the room yelling, "HE HAS EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS! MUST HAVE FORGOT TO TAKE HIS PILLS, SORRY!" behind me, trying to get over his loud crying. _

_He took out a pen and started going at his wrists on our way out. Luckily I kicked it out of his hands and dragged him out of the door, shutting it firmly behind me with my foot. Jasper's arms lay limply by his sides and he sat there, as soon as the door was closed he got up, dusted himself off and popped his collar. _

_I don't know if it was getting out of the room with the depressed teacher or if it was an act but he got us out of class._

"_Nice," I slapped him on the back and we ditched the joint._

Good times. It may not sound funny here, but you should have seen his face!

Bye for now, Nessie!

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A/N- Please review! I'm updating a bit now but _**I NEED IDEAS**_! Or I can't update! I've been busy with school and stuff! So forgive me, read my other stories, add to favs, alerts, **REVIEW**, do my** poll**, and check out pics on my profile and stuff! Not the best but **REVIEW**!

Luv-twilightsagalover28 (Tati)


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